Life, it is a'changin', part II

Well, I've missed my week deadline and my two week last resort deadline so I'll just forgive myself once again and post the latest.

So...where were we? Ah yes, the grandparents moved, trailer sold, life as we know it continued on in grand style.

Late in '06 Grandma (Gma) was diagnosed with advanced cancer. This is of course the abbreviated version. There was the usual multitude of doctor visits, speculation, etc. before that conclusion was reached. Plans were put in motion for my folks to come back from South Africa and they arrived in February. My paternal grandfather also died from cancer in '05 and my mother didn't have enough time to get back to see him before he passed on. That was hard on her and the family and my folks didn't want to end up in the same situation with my grandma. B and I drove down to see them with my sister before she left for N.Y. Various other trips were made and time was spent to care for both Gma and Grandpa (Gpa) and demonstrate that we loved and respected and cared for them both.

In the end my folks spent several weeks before grandma died in early March with her and Gpa, caring for and watching over them. The rest of the family did as they could, all living away from Crescent City (CC), CA. Those last few weeks were hard on all. I do remember a conversation with Mom, however, a week or maybe just a few days before Gma died. She commented on the fact that despite the stress, pressure, emotional and physical drain it was on her and Dad, they seemed to have all the energy and focus needed to continue to take care of the needs of both my grandparents. The Lord was truly gracious to my family and enabled my parents to do what they must despite the difficulties in their path.

My Dad called me early on March 12 to let me know that Gma had died early that morning in Sutter Coast Hospital with my Mom and my Gpa there.

Arrangements were made and a memorial service was scheduled for the upcoming Saturday. I took Friday off of work and B and I drove the 5 1/2 hours south to CC. We missed the scattering of Gma's ashes on the beach and the small family service earlier in the day but it was good to be there with everyone and prepare for the memorial service the next day. It went off without a hitch, with all the expected tears, joyful memories, and honor that was due such a wonderful lady who loved God, raised four great kids, and poured her life into all those she came in contact with.



Remembered with love -- Imogene Reyman.


So at this point it was clearly a pressing matter that we determine how exactly to care for my Gpa in the best way possible. He has the early stages of dementia, which for all practical purposes means that he is able to care for himself quite well in what my wife the Nurse refers to as ADL's, activities of daily living. He does, however, have difficulty remembering things that are not quite so deeply embedded in his habitual tendencies. He can also be confused by new and unfamiliar things, not dealing well with them either cognitively or emotionally. The need was apparent, therefore, that someone be close by to help him along with those other things that life throws at us; call them the "Unfamiliars."
Several options were bandied about ranging from putting him in a retirement home for preachers to a home close to my uncle and aunt in Boise to my parents moving back from Africa. All of which had flaws to some varying degree.

1. The difficulty with placing him in a retirement home was one of money. The family, no one in the family, has any money and in case you haven't noticed care for the elderly in general and retirement homes in particular are not cheap.

2. The difficulty in moving him to Boise to either live in a home or with my uncle and aunt was a.) he did not want to live in Boise and b.) no room and no money. I'm not sure which one trumped the other in the end but it was quite clear to all of us that Boise as an option was authoritatively swept off the table.

3. The difficulty in the last option, my parents moving, was only a full continent, an ocean, and a hemisphere in the way as well as only 18 years of their lives invested in mission work which they would have to leave quite abruptly. Not insurmountable obstacles by a long shot...buuut...just enough to make it a less than desirable option.

So in the end we were left with...what exactly?

This was the quandary that I was pondering on that Saturday night of the memorial service, 17 March, 2007 as I readied myself for bed. Clothes changed, teeth brushed, eyes safely stowed safely away in their circular white and blue-topped container, I pondered.

...
...

And then a thought came to me as clearly and cogently formulated as any thought I've ever had in my life. It was formed thus, "Why don't you and Beth move south to take care of Gpa?" It was so clear a thought that I wondered that I hadn't thought it before. It was actually...perfect. B could continue to fulfill her nursing contract if we moved to Grants Pass in southern Oregon. She could commute to the Providence hospital in Medford. I could pursue full-time the career I had been dabbling with part-time for two years in financial services. This would allow me to set my own schedule, control my own time, and give me opportunity to travel to CC once or twice a week at least to spend time with Gpa and help him with anything he might need. Granted, it wasn't an ideal situation but we would be the closest family, and with no family of our own we have the freedom to do this. Yes! It was perfect, amazingly, God-givingly perfect.

Now I just had to run it by B.

I must admit to not being entirely thrilled to propose such a life-altering plan to my wife of 2.5 years. After all, we loved living in Portland, we had a rough plan sketched out to pay off our debt, start saving for a house, starting a family, etc. I had no idea how she would take it. So reluctantly and with some prodding from her (she always knows!) I divulged this lightning-strike of a thought to her and waited with some trepidation for her reply.

It didn't take long, only a few minutes, and she agreed that this, out of all the aforementioned options, was the best one. We agreed to talk to my folks only and present this to them as a solution. We didn't have a chance before we left to head back to Portland so we did it by phone on the way up I-5. It was a short, unmemorable conversation. I don't even remember if I talked to my Mom or Dad. It was a conversation that changed our lives and launched us into one of the most surreal weeks of our lives.

theMK